A patient after talking to the doctor often has unanswered questions such as –
Dr: Your hair will grow back.
Pt: How do I cope till it doesn’t?
Dr: Why are you sad? There are so many who live with stoma bags.
Pt: Can you imagine how I feel to see the stool in the stoma bag?
Dr: It’s only a scar.
Pt: it hurts to even see it!
Dr: Look at the positive, you lost your teeth but you are alive.
Pt: Do you know what it feels like?
Dr: Use vaginal lubricants.
Pt: I am scared to put anything artificial in my body!
Someone I know died of lung cancer. She was vivacious, vibrant and full of life. She reached out to me in February of this year, little after she was diagnosed. We talked and discussed about the disease. Her only concern was, “Vandana my hair is falling; I hate it, how long will it take for it to grow back?” She was not really concerned about the advanced disease she had… she was just embarrassed to be seen bald!
There are many who are in distress like her. The reasons can be any one, all or a few – loss of hair, losing a breast, losing vaginal elasticity, erectile dysfunction, scars, loss of a limb, disfigurement, attachment of stoma bags, loss of speech, tinnitus, skin discoloration, loss of teeth… the list is endless. Irrespective of the intent of the treatment these are REAL issues that the patients struggle with…!
Do we give them the space to grieve about the loss that comes with cancer and its treatment? The emphasis is so much on ‘treatment’ of the disease that we rarely address loss arising from the disease. To the ones who have not experienced this loss, all this may seem very trivial but the grief caused by the loss due to cancer can be a burden too heavy to carry.
A woman diagnosed with early-stage breast cancer whom I have just started counselling said to me “The doctors are all very good but no one spoke to me about emotional impact. No one understood what I have lost. All they want to do is treat the tumour. Why is my loss not being addressed? Am I making a mountain out of a mole”!
Cancer can cause LOSS. Loss causes grief (it doesn’t matter if the hair comes back or the Ryles tube is removed after a month) …. grief is debilitating!
We can help the patients and caregivers by integrating an interdisciplinary team into the treatment plan from the day of diagnosis. When it’s a disease like cancer, one subject matter expert cannot provide complete treatment. It’s important therefore that we focus on an interdisciplinary team that starts interacting with the patients and the caregivers from day one of diagnosis.
The aim of treatment should be to support the person and not just treat the disease.
Article written by: Vandana (Emotional Counsellor)
